July 2012
4 posts
????????????????
CE: EVP just sent me an email about his call
CE: which was supposed to be at 11
CE: he sent it at 11:04
CE: it was:
CE: ?????????????????????????????????
D*ick swinging
FrauD: Big Boss! I got stung by a wasp!
BigBoss: Oh yea? Well yesterday I got stung by a bee. I had to take the stinger out.
Once you've cracked you can't go back
Short skirt: you should hear this conversation
Short skirt: im listening because i knew id hear this
Short skirt: NewCEO is like, no EVP
Short skirt: you cant say that
Short skirt: because its not true
CE: guess who's going to get fired soon...
CE: NewCEO.
Eyes on the soles of my feet
The Big Boss was standing in my office. He yelled for the Runner (downstairs) to go get his car. He walked out into the hallway to talk to Short Skirt, then came back into my office to ask if the Runner had left yet. “I don’t know. I’ve been sitting here, behind you.”
May 2012
4 posts
If you didn't already know...
I thought I would repost this, since it seems that only 11 of the 75 followed instructions (you 64 are fired, fyi) …
Hey Fans and Friends,
In case you didn’t hear, we’ve all been promoted! Well. VPD has been released from Bondage. And the Big Boss is still the Big Boss. But the underlings, my are we fancy. So fancy, we are too fancy for this blog.
So come with us to development hell.
Oh was I supposed to be listening?
damnthatswhack:
Anonymous asked: are you going to the beatles: the lost concert" movie when it comes out next month?
Requests (absolutely unnecessary)
tomyassistant:
I will not make you feel my arm muscles after I come back from a training session.
That’s some Big Boss shit right there.
April 2012
11 posts
Dictation (specificity)
tomyassistant:
I will not dictate an email for you to send from my account, trail off in the middle of a sentence, say, “You know what I mean,” refuse to clarify exactly what it is I mean, and then get mad at you when the email you send out is not exactly what I wanted to say.
This used to happen to me, often.
We've moved!
Hey Fans and Friends,
In case you didn’t hear, we’ve all been promoted! Well. VPD has been released from Bondage. And the Big Boss is still the Big Boss. But the underlings, my are we fancy. So fancy, we are too fancy for this blog.
So come with us to development hell.
More Hacks
N, We will be down stars in our car at 810am in front of the building in a white chevy your not registered under your own mane at the [hotel name] and yoiur cell was the wrong number BigBoss
Many Tanks
Also just found an email in the sent with the subject “Tank You!”. Ohhh BigBoss.
Eyebrows Raised
In the BigBoss’s email, just found one from yesterday from short skirt.
Subj: How are you?
Text: How has your week been?
Errrrr.
I bet he’s mad I didn’t send him any asskissy emails.
Craft Idea: PenPoms!
Are you bored of sitting at your desk without internet? Or just bored of sitting on a call? Here’s a great idea to keep you entertained for at least 5 minutes, and will also bring you hours of joy once complete.
Behold, the penpom! The _asst’s answer to being cheerful like a cheerleader.
You only need a few materials, all easily available, possibly without even walking to the...
“There’s no grey matter with me.”
– EVP to investment advisors on the grey areas
A Time Travel Vacation: The Stone(s) Age
Hello darlings, have you missed me? Get ready for the debacle of the week…
On Monday, we arrive and the internet is moving slow as balls. We do the only tech support we know how to do: unplug the router and replug it. Well now it doesn’t work at all.
Art Director decides it’s his gig, cool. Have at it. So he gets on the phone with the tech people and convinces himself that...
March 2012
53 posts
Interns: Intern Horrors: The Worst Entourage... →
Welcome back to Intern Horrors, the weekly feature where interns sound off about horrible bosses and bosses sound off about horrible interns. Today: ice cream runs in Tinseltown, clogging toilets in Vegas, and more.
Big Boss Bingo: Bonus Prize!
ALSO, if you want to liven up your board a bit, feel free to fill in some of the boxes with your OWN ideas. VPD’s fav is: “I can say this because my wife is black.”
Submit to me so I can keep a look out on calls.
Continue to play.
Toxic
The Big Boss brought my fav dog in today. He points at the cookies on my desk (chocolate chip) and says “Give him one of those and he’ll love you even more.”
-_-
The Kid's Are Alright
Or at least, Short Skirt is.
The Valet gave Other_asst and I a ride to his car in her car. It’s a spankin new red Audi, with black leather seats. In the passenger door are a pack of Marlboro lights and a bottle opener.
“Was Actors person read our script over the weekend”
– The Big Boss in an email to VPD
EVP: What up? How sick is that?
Short Skirt: So sick! Oh my god.
EVP: It's so sick.
Out-fatigued
The Big Boss: *Sick voice* I'm just really exhausted.
Manager: Yea, me too, I just got off a plane.
The Big Boss had a call, so I tried him at home. It went straight to voicemail. So I tried again, straight to voicemail. Called his cell.
“Hey Big Boss, your phone at home is going straight to voicemail.”
“Well that’s not my problem. I won’t take a call on my cell, call me at home.”
“Right… but that phone isn’t working.”
“Call...
BigBoss: Is Art Director in his office?
Short Skirt: He has a meeting at 1.
BigBoss: Doesn't matter, is he in his office?
Short Skirt: Let me check... *on phone* hi, BigBoss wants to see you. Okay. Yes, he's in his office.
Dude: Hey, I'm here to see Art Director.
Frenemy
VPD: Your glasses are so cute.
Short Skirt: Thank you! I appreciate that!
Agent: Will you guys be down at Wondercon?
EVP: No!
The Big Boss: That event doesn't really mean anything.
EVP: We're not going.
This_asst: Isn't EVP speaking on a panel at Wondercon?
The Big Boss: No.
Other_asst: I've spent the whole week trying to get his pass...
EVP: Oh yea, I have to do that thing on Friday.
Doctor Who?
The reason the Big Boss could not go see his regular physician was that he LIED and told him he would be on set for the next two months.
Why lie to your doctor? He doesn’t care what you’re doing.
Doctor Doctor!
The Big boss is out sick today, so he had me call one of his doctors to try and get an appointment in. She is his Pediatric Otolaryngologist. Because he is a man-child, I guess.
“You should have said “That’s just my face, you racist.”
– Other_asst to this_asst re: VPD
“Quit making your Japanimation face at me.”
– VPD to this_asst @_@
Diva Request Of The Day
The Big Boss had me call our production office to make sure there would be a director’s chair with his name on it for the one week that he visits set. Or I guess it would be a producer’s chair. But the kind that looks like the kind that a director sits in.
“I have a great reputation in this business.”
– The Big Boss, telling not quite truths
It's Time...
heymissat:
Boy: (wailing and fake screaming)
Me: H_________! What are you doing??!
Boy: Oh, I’m pretending to give birth.
I should start practicing too.
“My note pad is like… takes notes! And then just leave it.”
– EVP on how he leaves his notepad on my desk every day.
BigBoss: Hey, how come I can't get IMDB dot pro here?
This_asst: Because it's IMDBpro dot com
BigBoss: No, that doesn't work.
This_asst: That's imdb dot pro dot com.
BigBoss: Oh.
VPD: ooooh will you proof rod?
This_asst: Yea, I can proof rod that sentance.
VPD: fuck you. ahaha. that's a blog post.
“You’re like the kettle calling the pot black!”
– The Big Boss.
“It’s like the magnificent 7, except all the characters are disenfranchised...”
– The Big Boss mixes up disenfranchised with disillusioned.
“Hi guys,
I wanted to see what you guys thought about having a weekly meeting...”
– Short Skirt, in a company wide email (sans VPD and BigBoss, at least she’s a little bit smart) 